Conference calls are my balls…

stategy-conference-call-workplace-ecard-someecards

I got into the IT field to .. make more money.  I’m not overly smart but I can hold my own.  My A.D.D. fights against me most days and I feel like I spend more time convincing people that I do in fact know what I’m talking about, in regards to my job, than anything else.

Lately, it’s been nothing but conference calls.  I hate conference calls with 98% off all the fibers of my being.  They are a useless waste of time most days and end up accomplishing nothing but aggravating most of the people on the call.

Here’s a breakdown of my calls:

Everyone sporadically joins depending on their mood that day
Most people sit in silence unless forced to announce their name
There’s one leader – IN THEORY
15 wanna-be leaders who can’t seem to sit still or stay quiet
Inevitably one ASSHOLE who has to start an argument
A KNOW-IT-ALL who can’t let everyone figure things out on their own
A bossy person who feels it necessary to tell everyone what they should and should not    say/do/think
4 people who aren’t paying attention and then when called upon think we believe that  they were “multitasking”.  Face it pricks, you were shopping on Amazon or watching  YouTube videos!
The mono-tone guy who has to explain everything in such a way that everyone is asleep by  minute 3.
One or 2 people who actually know what is going on and have action items to speak on
Background noise because IDIOTS DON’T UNDERSTAND THE MUTE BUTTON
Slide shows, flow charts, network maps, spreadsheets, and process docs that make NO  FUCKING SENSE!
6 people who all want to talk at the same time… even after a pause to let someone else talk
A myriad of other nonsensical bullshit that most people could live without
30-120 minutes of TIME THAT WE WILL NEVER GET BACK!

I write this as I sit on a conference call, “MULTITASKING”, and waiting for yet another to start in 15 minutes… where my nerves will be stressed by one guy whose mere voice makes me wanna stab babies and throat punch kittens.  I genuinely want to run him over in my Fiat.  Unfortunately, I have training in California in a few weeks where he will be attending for a second time.. .and will inevitably hijack the entire training session… and I can’t fit my Fiat on the plane in order to follow through with my plan.  (Note to self:  See if I can find a “doctor” that can “prescribe” me “something” to “deal” with him all week!)

I accumulated $20k in student loans … for this.  I don’t think I thought this through in a proper way prior to making my career decision.  Unemployment and residency in a van down by the river sounds really appealing right now.

 

 

2 thoughts on “Conference calls are my balls…

  1. Oh, I’m not quitting, I just like to fantasize what life would be like.. bathing in treated raw sewage, eating out of cans over an open fire, and sleeping on a twin sized air mattress in a broke down conversion van that I’ve covered “FREE CANDY” in black spray paint on the side.

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  2. Ugh, I hate conference calls with a passion as well. They’re such a waste of time. I get that unemployment sounds appealing right now, but hey, this job doesn’t have to be forever. Who knows what new adventures are to come. 🙂

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