Today would’ve been our 8 yr anniversary… which when I say that out loud, I feed stupid. Who stays in a non-forward-moving relationship for 8 years.

I have to keep reminding myself that I was a stepping stone. Nothing more than a play thing until he grew up and decided that he wanted someone else. I wish he hadn’t wasted almost 5 years of my time to get there.

I don’t want to date anyone. I’m tired of wasting my time. I give of myself hand over fist and put my own happiness aside to make someone else happy. For what?

Today just sucks. I want to erase him completely from my memory. Every single day, whether I want to or not, I think of him and miss what I thought we had. It was all a fairy tale that I created in my mind, of course, but I was committed to it and ready to go all in for the rest of my life.

I don’t know what love is. I give up trying to figure it out. I will never be that person.

I need to figure out where my happy went recently. As it stands today, I’m just existing and waiting for the end.

I know this seems contradictory of the last year or more but every time I think I’m ready, the universe puts me back in my place and reminds me I’m really not….