August 11, 2014.
Just finishing a day full of mind numbing training in Denver, CO.
My teammate Darius and I choose to go to “The Irish Snug” on Colfax in Denver. Partly to get away from Aurora and partly because of their happy hour specials.
I get a notification from the devil (aka: Facebook) that “Jim” has requested me as a friend.
I freeze. I have waited for this moment since I (reluctantly) signed up for Facebook in 2006. I’ve creepily stalked him through the years since the internet came to be.
My heart stops. “I’ll have 2 of your house wines” (it was buy one get one that night)
I patiently wait about 20 minutes.
*text him on FB messenger* Stop trolling my photos and say hello! (what the hell else would he be doing?)
He responds and it begins. Again.
In high school, freshman year through senior year, we dated off and on. He was “my guy” even though we dated other people off and on through the years. I dated him briefly after high school a couple of times.. (oh … the times)
We didn’t speak from 1993 until 2014.
Throughout the years, I was that creepy stalker. I kept up with him, no matter what he did, whether he knew it or not. He married, had a son, worked his ass off for a very good corporation… all along, he didn’t know that I was there.
At one point, I “noticed” he filed for divorce. I don’t wish that on anyone but I sent a message through a mutual friend that I was sorry to hear. Crickets. Nothing. I get it, it had been decades and why on earth would he consider me as a “friend”?
2014 was a tough year for me. I had just left a 5(ish) year relationship that was going nowhere fast – With a man that was miserably unhappy as a person. Great man – just unhappy. I couldn’t take it anymore and left. I knew we were never going to get married (his divorce left him bitter and angry-er). Jim reaching out to me, although unexpected and unplanned, was a very fresh breath of air.
From that notification to today, he has been “my guy” again. We texted endlessly until I returned from Denver and while he was traveling to his son’s graduation from Navy Boot camp. These are moments (among memories from high school and beyond) I will forever cherish.
He lives an hour and a half away and we have made it work for 2 years (in just under 3 hours as I type this). We text each other daily. Going to work, going home, activities throughout the day… We do what we can to make this work after decades of separation.
I love him. I’ve loved him in my way for years. I will love him in my way until I die.
He makes me laugh on days when all I want to do is cry.
He makes me furious when all I want to do is love him.
He snores (but so do I when I don’t wear my CPAP)
He is a Republican ( I AM SO NOT!)
He is handsome
He is loving (even when I’m not worth loving)
He is cuddly (and terrifying)
He is loyal
He is sexy (not your business on so many levels)
He is faithful
He is a FUCKING GENIUS (I wish I were that smart)
He is OCD and organized and I’m a slob
He has been there for me and my family in the hardest of times
His inner “girl” compliments my inner “guy” and vice versa
He is too giving … when I’m not.. and vice versa.
He is the Ying to my Yang. In every way.
I could go on for days but the short of it all is that he is mine. My future with him is up in the air (at best) but neither of us is going anywhere anytime soon. There are far too many “PROS” to “CONS” in this. We have to work every day to make this work and there are days when he picks up the slack when I can’t. I would give my life for him right now, even if he doesn’t know or realize it.
I love him. Years, miles, people, experiences, and life will never change that. He could leave me tomorrow and although I’d be devastated, I’d still be thankful that I got yet another chance to have him in my life.
More to come .. for years I hope.