I have been in Colorado for about 5 days and still have almost 3 more here.  I LOVE IT HERE!  I am NOT a fan of the 12° weather and the 30 mph wind.. .but I’ll suffer through it for the view!

Me and a friend spent 2 days looking for a house over the weekend.  That was so exhausting but we found a couple of really nice places.  Now, it’s just a waiting game!  The relocation is being worked by my HR department… we are just details away from this happening and I can’t wait!

Everything is falling into place.. FINALLY!

Over the last several months, I’ve been trying to locate my “happy”.  I’ve focused on self-care, primarily, and keeping my mood light and positive.

Occasionally, an asshole creeps in to ruin the day.  Yes, I allow it, but not knowing it’s their intention.  Unfortunately, most assholes don’t wear a sign alerting the rest of us about their character.  I’m horrible at giving people the benefit of the doubt.  I assume there is good in everyone until proven otherwise.

I’ve been working on being relocated at work.  I need a change.  I let my upper management know that a move to Denver wouldn’t kill me and would be a welcome improvement over Ohio.  Since then, and very slowly, the details and the move is coming together.  The plan is to move there by April.  I can NOT wait.

Bring in the ass-clowns who have no ambition, goals, balls, or willingness to put forth the effort.  What they ARE good at doing is planting seeds of doubt in my own self worth, ability to make this move, the likability from upper management, and my value to the company.

What they don’t do is take into account all of the things I have accomplished at this job and what I’ve had to endure.  I deserve this move and this “promotion” if there is one.  Even if there isn’t, upper management likes me enough to give me this opportunity and I’ll be damn if I’m going to let anyone blow this for me… except me.

I would NEVER try to destroy the hope that someone has for a better life.  I don’t understand why people feel the need to try to keep me down all the time.  The only explanation is that I’m the only one that puts up with their nonsense and when I’m gone… who will pick up the ball and run with it for them?  Ultimately, it’s their problem, and I need to be able to see the jealousy, envy, and efforts to destroy me a lot faster.  I need to keep details about everything to myself until the day I move.

It can’t happen fast enough.

It occurred to me, last night, that I’m basically in a self-imposed solitary confinement.  Not intentionally, but I don’t feel like I have anyone.  No one to talk to, no one that I trust in my life to spend time or energy on, and no real connection to anyone right now.

I know I’m in a transition and I’m trying to learn how to be happy alone but I’m a very social person for the most part.  I’m always the “person” for everyone but I feel like I don’t have anyone like that.

I get tired of bitching and complaining,  I have worked so hard the last few months on trying to be positive.  Even in those moments, I have no one to share that with.

I started to understand why older folks who are alone for a very long time, tend to seem crazy to the rest of the world.  They literally have no one, no one to have conversations with, trade ideas and thoughts, they are stuck in their own minds.  I worry that I will become this person.  I don’t know what the hell else to do.

There’s a full moon right now, and a Mercury retrograde coming… Lots of changes in my life.. and I’m feeling very heavy.  This is exhausting.