It occurred to me, last night, that I’m basically in a self-imposed solitary confinement. Not intentionally, but I don’t feel like I have anyone. No one to talk to, no one that I trust in my life to spend time or energy on, and no real connection to anyone right now.
I know I’m in a transition and I’m trying to learn how to be happy alone but I’m a very social person for the most part. I’m always the “person” for everyone but I feel like I don’t have anyone like that.
I get tired of bitching and complaining, I have worked so hard the last few months on trying to be positive. Even in those moments, I have no one to share that with.
I started to understand why older folks who are alone for a very long time, tend to seem crazy to the rest of the world. They literally have no one, no one to have conversations with, trade ideas and thoughts, they are stuck in their own minds. I worry that I will become this person. I don’t know what the hell else to do.
There’s a full moon right now, and a Mercury retrograde coming… Lots of changes in my life.. and I’m feeling very heavy. This is exhausting.