Once I was on the road to the beach, I managed to leave all of my anger, resentment, bitterness, unanswered questions, and tension behind. I drove the whole trip with the windows down, wisps of hair under my ball cap blowing around, and a sense of peace and hope for the upcoming week! It was exactly what I needed.
I got to spend some quality time with my daughters (belated Mother’s Day) horseback riding on a beach, drunken debauchery with friends, good food, ghosts, pool/hot tub time, sunburn/tan, and much needed relaxation.
My daughters are officially adults and my relationship with them continues to evolve into magic! They are amazing, beautiful, smart, driven, full of love, and adventurous… They are genuinely 2 of my favorite people on this planet and this trip was the best ever because of them!
It should’ve been evident to me when he broke up with me the first time because I didn’t compliment him on his jeans after he did his GIRL TWIRL in the kitchen… but nope! My blind ass has fed the ego for years and didn’t even know it.
When I stopped… he stopped “loving” me. I knew he was someone that relied heavily on compliments and accolades, so I dripped them all over him when I could muster the energy. He would do the smallest things and launch it into some grande display that he wanted me to pat him on the back for until I wanted to puke.
I quickly started to resent this side of him. There were never accolades, compliments, cheering, or announcements of grandeur when I did anything, but let me miss some small effort like him taking out the trash and the world would end.
I guess I’ve gotten so used to being my own cheerleader that I have little patience for the people in my life who require that I stroke their ego on the regular… I’d rather stroke the medulla oblongata of an angry alligator!
Unfortunately, I’ve now come to a realization that I’ve wasted 5 years on someone who simply was using me as a “helium tank to inflate their sense of self”… Looking back, I seem to attract these people pretty often. My screening process needs to tighten up some details. IMMEDIATELY!
Seems that doors are opening and opportunities are arising!! I genuinely hope the next year evolves enough so that I can move, start a new life, and a new position in my company. No need to stick around here. There’s nothing here for me anymore, short of my daughter, grandson, sister, and her family. I can always come back!
Time to take my crazy train west!
As if the last week hasn’t been enough… Jim decided to send his little girlfriends to fight his battles for him. Grown woman approaches me in public at an establishment and tells me we need to go outside. LOL
Bitch. I am not playing these bullshit high school games with you. Take your ass outside by yourself. We’ve got nothing to discuss but please… continue to make a fool of yourself. You’re trash. He’s trash. Any of you involved in this that want to get in my face again are trash. GROW UP.
This nonsense continued into midnight last night with yet another grown assed woman starting in … I haven’t slept much in the last week. I didn’t sleep at all last night.
I used to be a third party collector. A good one. Part of why I was so good is that I document and save EVERYTHING.. If it’s not in writing, it didn’t happen. I have every single email, text message, instant message, conversation, etc from ALL of the assholes in this. Not one of them is going to try and convince anyone that I’m the bad guy in any of this.
The worst part is the way that he now speaks to me. Just over a week ago it was “I love you”, “I miss you”, “Goodnight/Good morning, my love” etc… now..
Classy, huh? Still have no idea what I did to bring all of this on. This particular message was prompted after I sent the bitch above an email that I sent him on Monday (out of nowhere, I had this overwhelming urge to send an email clarifying that I didn’t mean to imply that he was cheating on me with her specifically) because part of what she was yelling about was nothing close to anything I had said to him or her at any point… She forwarded my message, telling her to get her facts straight and that he was playing both of us…
All I’ve ever done is love these people and in the blink of an eye, they’ve all turned on me. I started to think I was crazy.. maybe I’m either imagining this or I’ve lost grasp on reality. But I keep going back to look at everything and I’m still lost. At this point, any thread of hope that I had that we would ever work this out has been cut with a pair of tailor’s sheers!
Folks need to remember that Karma never forgets an address. All of them will get their due one day. I won’t be around to witness it but it will happen. I keep trying to get out of all of this but they keep dragging me back in. After last night, I’m hoping this is officially done and I can move on.
I love it when I meet someone and they’ve already had a predisposed opinion of me that was defined by a picture that someone else painted in their mind. I love it even more when they realize I’m really not what they had been led to believe I was.
Maybe if we all took a little time to hear both sides of a story, made the effort to form an opinion AFTER we have all the facts, or simply took the time to really get to know someone, this wouldn’t be such a crappy world.
There are just some people on this planet that I’ll never be able to please. Yet… for some damn reason I still try (by force mostly). My life is being forced out of its routine to accommodate someone else… a lot of someone else’s … and all I get is grief and snippy attitudes.
Seriously? Get over yourself. My life is having to be completely turned upside down and revamped to make sure that you have the tools that you need to do your job. The least you could do is simply say “thank you” even if you don’t mean it. FAKE THAT SHIT!
I understand more is needed, but an effort is being made. Try not to bite the hand that feeds you and be a little appreciative that someone is “listening” to your “needs” instead of making empty promises to fix and then never delivering. This is a new opportunity for you to get what you’ve wanted for years and although it’s not at the speed you want, or the content, the least you could do is understand that a genuine effort is being made, which is far more than anyone else has done for you…
Instead you find it necessary to bitch and complain… bite my face off like some douche bag hipster on bath salts… and demand more.
If I had it my way, the offer would be off the table and it would be business as usual… unfortunately, I have no say in the matter, but I promise that my protest will be heard and I will fight this effort with everything I’ve got at this point. I’ve known for years that there’s no pleasing you. Now, they know too. Good job, genius!