MOVE B*TCH! GET OUT THE WAY!

funny-ecard-you-call-it-road-rage

Rush hour traffic (or any traffic for that matter), is the very bane of my existence.  Just after people who smack their lips.. but that’s another blog that will be lengthy and probably worth a few giggles.

Why is it, at 7 am, fools cannot get their cars to move at the posted speed limit?  Dipshits going 60 mph, at best, in a 65 zone need to be dragged off the freeway and beat with a tire iron.

jesustireiron

Just because you decided to wake up at 5 am, fill up on a Southern Fried Chicken Biscuit Breakfast at Perkins (which, face it, it’s only good for filling up because nothing they serve has flavor) doesn’t mean you can take your food coma  ass into the public and disrupt a perfectly good morning with your “driving shenanigans”.  Either stay in that comfy torn up booth that you just left and let that extra fried egg digest, or drink a couple of cups of coffee before departing and getting in my damn way.

i-dont-always-eat-breakfast-facebook-meme

6 cars… all following behind one woman who can’t get her ass in gear.  *EYE ROLL* Sure… let me sit here for 10 minutes waiting for 150 cars to pass us, and wait my turn to find a tiny spot for my FIAT to fit…  Now I am stuck in a new line of assholes who can’t decide between the gas peddle on the floor or the brake pedal on the floor.  There’s no happy medium when I’m running early or on time … but let me me a few minutes late getting out of the house and there’s no issues.  Ironic.

The only giggle I got was once I got to “MY EXIT” (yes .. it’s mine.  ALL MINE!), there was a PRIUS in front of me with the tiniest of exhaust pipes… but I swear someone stole a catalytic converter off of it.. (Must Google if they even have one – YEP, they have one).  But my dirty mind immediately went to those weirdos that like to have sex with inanimate objects and thought… my lord… that would take a tiny tiny man.  (micropenis.com – you’re welcome!)

honkedatprius

In all of this, I forgot to hit the Walmart for a 5lb bag of sugar… it’s the one commodity at work that always runs out – besides the coffee.  I had good intentions but that tiny, yet loud, exhaust pipe had me at “roooooaaaaaaar”

3 thoughts on “MOVE B*TCH! GET OUT THE WAY!

  1. Drive in Tampa traffic you’ll appreciate Columbus traffic afterwards. No turn signals used EVER!! Cutting people off is second nature and driving under 80 is illegal and will get your ass ran over. DAMN NORTHERNERS!!!

    Like

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