Prayers to the Coffee Gods

coffee prayer

Anyone who works in an office environment with coffee rations, knows the routine.  You clock in, boot up your pc (or typewriter if you’re from the 80’s), head to the coffee pot… mug in hand (trough if your a pro)…  the closer you get the more desperate the prayers.

“Please lord, let there be coffee..  I promise to not slap the shit out of Bob when he goes on a tirade about post-it notes and their lack of consistent stickiness”

“Jesus, hear my prayer, let their be coffee of great abundance and warmth of the sun”

“So help me GOD, if the last person took the last cup and I have to make ANOTHER pot…”

I usually say my “prayer” of sorts about 50 feet from the break room.  We have ONE Bunn coffee maker and carafe.  In previous years, our cost center (fancy word for department budget) has foot the bill for all coffee rations for OUR teams.  Unfortunately, when it’s a shared break room, the whole floor finds it as a charitable contribution which means dozens of pots of coffee a day are made.

After having spent a ton of money, management decided to hoard the coffee (and only the coffee) in our department.  The pot is still out in the open, so the whole floor still consumes it all .. it just takes someone from our team to get the shakes before a new pot gets made.  I don’t see the value saved in this practice, but more the aggravation that every time I go to get a cup of coffee, some dip shit has already taken the last cup, leaving me with 2 pumps of bubbles and cold caffeine…  So now, I get to make the trip BACK to the cabinet to get the coffee, go back, make the coffee, babysit the maker, get my cup, and go back to work.  If I’m smart (and semi awake), I get a vat of it for myself to avoid another trip and fit of rage.

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So, after chugging my mug of muddy caffeinated goodness, I’m now ready to support conference calls the rest of today.  I may shake, I may speak at the speed of light, but I’m not sleeping!!!  I may or may not crash in 2 hours.  We’ll see.

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