If hearing “G’nite John Boy” doesn’t conjure up images of the Waltons, Ingalls, etc..  we can’t be friends.  Not that I overly enjoyed the Waltons, I was an Ingalls fan all the way.. The phrase reminds me of big families, dinner tables, laughter, love, and home.

I have a friend who has a rocky marriage and they have decided to “open” things up a bit.  Both of them are of the belief that you can’t wholly love ONE person and it’s possible to love more than one person and love everyone in completely different ways.  Not to air his laundry, just to put this in perspective.  He’s not the only friend that I have that is in a marriage like this.  The other friends have had an open marriage for years and it works famously for them.

The fiercely independent side of me can see how this could work.  In a committed, honest, open, and well communicated relationship, I can see this working.

The traditional side of me that grew up in a very conservative home and watching Little House on the Prairie every night on TBS at 7:05… cannot wrap my head around it.

I want the marriage, the house, the huge family dinners, and all the things.  I’ve never had that and when I did have it (minus the marriage), my heart was so full.  I never took for granted or put too small an emphasis on how much it meant to me when I had family and friends around.  I would stop and watch all of the commotion (aka: shit show) and quietly smile and pack that memory away in a special place in my heart.  It’s tough going home to an empty house every day now.  I have no purpose.  I have no one to love.  I have no one to cook for, dote over, or canoodle with.  THAT breaks my heart.

On the other hand, part of me wants the independence to do what I want.  Move somewhere new, make new friends, meet new people, climb a mountain (ok, let’s not get carried away, you know what I mean).  Growing up, I always felt my inner hippie just waiting to join a commune and live off the land, wear long flowing skirts, shirts that tied around the waist, waist length hair, and flowers everywhere!

I feel like I should be buying a corvette, sleeping with 20-somethings, and partying my ass off every night .. a midlife crisis of epic proportions.  I have no idea what that is like, I’ve never really talked to anyone going through one, but I also feel like if I looked around, EVERYONE IN MY LIFE IS GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING!  Is this just the age where our lives fall apart and we have to find a new way to glue the pieces back together?

I guess I should probably decide WHAT I want before I go shopping for a new lifestyle…

Meanwhile,

Elizabeth:
Good night, John Boy.

John-Boy:
Good night, Elizabeth. Good night, Daddy.

John:
Good night, Son. Good night, Mary Ellen.

Mary Ellen:
Good night, Daddy. Good night, Mama.

Olivia:
Good night, Mary Ellen. Good night, Jim Bob.

Jim Bob:
Good night, Mama. Good night, Erin.

Erin:
Good night, Jim Bob. Good night, Ben.

Ben:
Good night, Erin. Good night, everybody.