Compared to my last post, this one will have a far different tone.
I went to the local Reiki Center that following Friday for any kind of help I could get from anyone who was willing. Let me preface this by stating that I am very sensitive .. meaning, if I see your name, face, anything about you and it gives me even the slightest pause, I am moving on. I tried looking into conventional therapy but couldn’t find a provider that was what I needed or that gave me the warm and fuzzies. When I found LJ on the Reiki Center website… I just knew.
I was 20 minutes early to my appointment with her and had NO IDEA what was going to happen or what I was getting myself into. I did quickly locate the tissues because tears simply were flowing from me without any breaks or warning. I went in for an Emotional Focused Therapy (and some sort of “tapping”). LJ quickly sensed that there was a flood of “shit” to get through and literally looked at me and said “I want you to verbal vomit all over me.”
For once, someone got me and listened intently and offered hope. I left that appointment feeling like a new person. The crying stopped immediately. I felt so much weight lifted off of me that I texted her 2 days later to thank her for the “Sneaky Reiki” that I was certain she had performed while I was trying to choke back tears and speak clearly.
She offered insight into me as a person that I never knew. The next day, I went to an expo that I fondly have called Hippie Fest. I try to go every year but I knew I needed to go this time. I love them and hate them all the same. They are exhausting for me. People suck my good energy and leave me a pile of goo every time I go.
This time was different. I barely looked at anyone, anything, didn’t speak… A few people forced themselves into my space and I was polite but slightly irritated. Except one woman. She had these resin pyramids with crystals and stones stacked in them… Her husband told me to put my hand over the largest one. I rolled my eyes and did it… to entertain him. I quickly let him know that these things never have any effect on me. He looked dead at me and said “That’s because you’re highly sensitive”… Something LJ had just said to me the day before. He told me to come back later and he’d give me a reading.
I went back. Boy did I go back. I beat feet trying to find his booth again. Listen, when I say the pull was so forceful, it was like a 50lb magnet. I didn’t even look at other readers all day and chalked it up to one of the times that I left without a reading. It happens. I just don’t get a vibe from most people. And if I don’t get the right feeling… I’m not giving you my money. I’ve had good and bad readings over the years but this was the 2nd time that I was at the event and couldn’t leave until I spoke to someone. He gave me the most interesting reading. It started off AWFUL and he begged me to restart it… I told him to go with it, I needed to hear what he had to say. I saved most of the reading on my phone and wish I hadn’t turned my phone off so soon.
These 2 days lit a fire under me to move towards a more positive outlook, let go of the pain in my past, feel ZERO guilt about protecting my peace, and simply be happy again.
I have cried ONE TIME since that weekend. ONCE. I’m going to have my moments, but I am so much better than I was a month ago. No more lying in bed crying myself to sleep. I’ve cleaned the house, shampooed the carpets in my bedroom, started laundry, COOKED… all the things that I’ve needed to do but too depressed to mess with.
Oh… and I may have met some new people that are putting some additional joy in my life… I keep them at a distance for now but it’s nice that I am back to meeting people and laughing again.
I guess we’ll see!